i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
