I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
