He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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