we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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