i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I am available for nakedness
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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