im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
