cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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