the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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