Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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