Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
