My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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