nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
