I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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