Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
