honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
