so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
