well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
