We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
