He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
