My nipple is on Facebook.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
