just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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