at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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