We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
