Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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