Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
