Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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