For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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