My pussy is not your playground.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
