I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
