Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
