I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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