My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
