im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
