You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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