so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
