i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
