you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
