TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
