I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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