how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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