Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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