there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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