Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
