Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
