You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
