She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's official drugs can't kill me
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
