so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
