why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
