I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
