I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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